Romney’s Plan to Restore America Considers Re-instituting Slavery to Gain Economic Edge in Global Economy

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Mitt Romney said today at a rally in Mississippi that “slavery is what built this great nation and its what it will take to rebuild it.”

Some figure it was just a transparent effort to re-energize the black vote by giving hope of work to many in this troubled economy. A recent poll on FOX News showed that compared to Obama, Romney carried 0% of the coveted “black vote”. Romney’s message was clear, “no more Welfare State handouts, the new and improved slave state will give folks a chance to do an honest day’s work with pride.”

Romney added, “we really need to show our appreciation for all that was done to build this fine nation. Due to the tireless efforts and free labor of past slaves we were able to jump ahead of every nation in the world to become #1. These people carried with them that sense of dignity that they were a part of something great. Our country was built on their sweat and blood for hundreds of years. It was part of our Constitution that should be restored. This system wasn’t perfect but it was very successful. We have looked at the reasons that slavery initially failed and have come up with a better plan to maximize efficient profits and minimize loss. We can’t ship anymore jobs to China, we need to start making things in the good old USA again. Relying on immigrant workers has become too expensive to remain competitive.”

Paul Ryan chimed in, “Bullwhips and shacks are a thing of the past. Our new plan implements safer motivational techniques, cost-efficient feeding methods and streamlined housing. The old system became somewhat unpopular, but our plan will be better. We have found a way to make it fun, exciting and popular again.”

Mitt Romney went on to say, “Obama just wants to complain and say ‘you didn’t build that.’ Well, maybe us white folk didn’t build it, but we made you *Black Devils do it. And in the end it’s all the same. Whether you do the work or crack the whip, it’s results that matter. We can be great again, even if it takes another hundred years or more, we believe this plan will be successful. Yes, together we can make America rise up and be respectable again.”

Now that this news has officially broken, Vice President Biden’s accusation against the Romney camp that “they are gonna put ya’ll back in chains” can be seen in a more relevant light. It seems that he might have known in advance what their plan was and this could be considered more of a warning than a racist rant of a bumbling old man.

*Note: Black Devils is a tongue in cheek reference to the common Mormon belief that people of African descent are “The seed of Cain, or Devils representing Satan’s interests on Earth.” This belief was modified by elders in the Mormon church in 1978 when the viewpoint became “unpopular” with new converts.

 

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