Free Pussy, Riot!

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The Russian Embassy was trashed today in D.C. by an angry mob of inebriated men who showed up from the neighborhood bar across the street thinking there was a promotion for “Free Pussy.” They commenced to start a riot and trashed the place but were disappointed after discovering that there was no free pussy.

It seems there was a misunderstanding when protestors were standing out front with signs reading “Free Pussy, Riot”, they were unaware that this was actually a protest to free the band Pussy Riot from their imprisonment in Russia… It seems the miscommunication was due to the improper grammar used by the sign maker. Somehow in their drunken stupor they assumed it was some sort of cathouse or strip club promotion.

Since the embassy is considered sovereign territory of Russia and American laws do not apply, neither do American rights or protections. The men were arrested and sent to Russia for a quick hearing that found them guilty and sentenced them to 4 years in prison. Vladmir Putin personally attended the hearing and spent some time torturing them with a bullwhip before they were sent to the Siberian prison. This was considered a very serious offense and must be dealt with sternly he told reporters while posing as he held the bullwhip and stood tall with one boot on a prisoner’s head.

Ironically, no one was standing outside the embassy demanding their release. Behind the scenes diplomats are quietly trying to secure their freedom but no progress had been made at the time of this article.

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