Paul Ryan’s Lies Are Good for the Economy, Creating Jobs Whenever he Speaks

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Yes, you can add “Job Creator” to his title, next to Congressman and VP hopeful. After his speech at the Republican National Convention, a hiring boom was reported in the fact-checker sector. As much as 30% growth was displayed in this field alone. CNN struggled to keep up with the demand of verifying all of his misleading accusations. Wolf Blitzer said that the sheer magnitude in that one speech alone was overwhelming. At one point they asked their cleaning crew to stop what they were doing and help with research to meet their deadline. By noon the following day it was clear that all of the regular, trusted fact-checkers had been hired by competing networks.

There was one rumor by CBS that the RNC in collusion with FOX News preemptively removed fact-checkers from the market to gain an unfair advantage. John Stewart of the Daily Show said that an informer told him that they sent hundreds of fact-checkers out on a free cruise just before the convention as a sign of “gratitude” for their hard work. Stewart was heard laughing hysterically at the notion, stating “we all know FOX doesn’t use fact-checkers”. The punch line was the fact that they sent them in a ship straight out in the path of hurricane Isaac. No one has heard from the ship in days and some fear it may be lost. If this is true it would be a brilliant political move that would give the GOP an advantage. Stewart said, “If no one can prove they are lying, they have a fighting chance of regaining power by election time”.

Gold also shot up 6% within hours of his speech. This shows that the market has confidence that this team will utterly fail in its bid to overtake the White House and usher in 4 more years of partisan bickering and in-fighting. Republicans don’t seem to have any other game plan aside from consistent derision of Obama’s policies, even when they echo their own agenda.

Wall Street insiders were hoping that the Romney/Ryan ticket would be able to win in November, reinstating a Republican-controlled, malleable puppet leadership. However, many fear that their lies are simply not believable enough to fool the masses. Many journalists claim that the ability for common people to simply verify information using the internet has severely crippled the strongest device of today’s politician: misinformation.

The Devry Institute was quick to respond to this growing market by offering a degree program in fact-checking by the end of the day. But most feel it will be too late by the time new trainees have graduated from the program.

I must confess by the time this article had reached its deadline, I was unable to find a single fact-checker available to verify the authenticity of these statements. That would only serve to prove that everything said therein must indeed be true.

 

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