Bible Belt Ministers Send Out Letter To Parishioners: Be Prepared to Vote For a Cult Member and Mary Worshipper

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This year’s election is still way too close to call according to the most recent polling data, and Bible Belt ministers don’t want to take any chances making sure their pick wins the White House. The only problem being that none of the candidates this year are from the Bible Belt, or even a red state. In 2008 many in the Bible Belt felt comfortable with John McCain being from the red state of Arizona, and Sarah Palin being from the red state of Alaska, but not this time around. The Republican candidates for 2012 are Mitt Romney from the blue state Massachusetts, and Paul Ryan from the mostly blue state of Wisconsin.

To try to guarantee the Republican voting base for this year’s candidates, Bible Belt ministers have sent out a letter. The letter not only tells them to look past the fact that the candidates they are voting for are from blue states, but also to look past Romney being a Mormon and Ryan being Catholic.

The letter reads as follows:

Dear Parishioners,

This year’s election is crucial to the well-being of our nation. We, just like you are concerned about the present state of affairs that has been going on throughout the country. It is imperative that we vote out President Obama and Vice President Biden.

We understand though that for some of you it will test your faith. As you know both Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are from blue states, and as this concerns us too, we ask you to look past this. It is also important to look past the fact that Romney is a cult worshipping Mormon who thinks he is fulfilling some sort of white horse prophecy, and the fact that Paul Ryan is a Mary worshipping Catholic who defies the Holy Spirit with the deification of Jesus’ mother.

We are a wholesome group of strictly Christian based area ministers who are asking you to trust us. President Obama may be a Christian (still not sure), but he does not promote the Christian lifestyle. He believes in health care for all and helping the poor, that is not what Jesus would have wanted. We need to make sure that Mitt Romney is elected so we can restore our path to prosperity by freeing up the markets, and letting the insurance companies decide if we get to have health care or not.

In closing, we understand that voting this November is going to take a lot of thought and prayer on your behalf, but the choice is clear. Vote Romney/Ryan!

In Christ,

The Organization of Southern and Midwestern Ministers

 

We’ll have to wait and see in November if this strategy of laying all the cards out on the table works for the Bible Belt. They are pretty strict with their theological doctrine, so it will be interesting to see the end results.

 

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