In an effort to show his American pride and support for all of the United States hopefuls participating at the 2012 Olympic games, Tea Party member Jedediah Grist made the long journey from South Carolina to London. However, once he got there he was disappointed by several aspects of the games.
Upon arriving, he didn’t like that cars drove on the opposite side of the road and muttered to his cab driver, “What is going on here? I knew I was headed towards some sort of socialist land, but ya’ll have to drive backwardly too?”
After arriving at his hotel the desk clerk told Grist the amount for his room in British Pounds instead of American dollars, which apparently sent the 56-year-old former mechanic into a tizzy declaring, “I ain’t payin’ no bill in pounds, what do you mean? Why’d ya’ll have to be so condescending and out of sorts. Get with the program and ask me to pay with my good old In God We Trust American dollars.” After the hotel clerk explained that they do not accept American dollars Grist said, “Of course you don’t, you expect me to pay with your London queer currency… I can’t believe we helped you fight Hitler, all you’ve done is stretch your luck and expect others to bend to your liking ever since. Fine! I’ll pay in pounds, but you ain’t gettin’ my social security number, nope… never.” To which the clerk responded, “We would never ask for such a thing, all we ask for is that you pay for your accommodations.”
Settling down after a hectic day of travel, Grist decided he would head over to the Olympic Village. Dressed from head to toe in America flag regalia, he planned on finding our American athletes to wish them well, and tell them how proud he is of them for representing the best nation on earth.
Once arriving at the Olympic Village he was upset by how many people from other nations were there walking around. Grist wasn’t used to being around so many people that weren’t just like him. He lived in a small town in South Carolina where having red hair made you an outcast, let alone having a different color skin, speak a different language, or perhaps even be gay. He was so upset in fact that he started panicking. Grist began running around shouting incoherently, “We’ve been invaded! We’ve been invaded! Why? Why must there be so many unnaturals here?! WHY?!”
Olympic security soon apprehended Mr. Grist and escorted him to an empty room located at security headquarters. After letting him calm down, security returned Grist to his hotel to gather his belongings, and then brought him to London Heathrow Airport where he could get back on a plane to the United States. It was determined by those who witnessed the outburst, as well as security that this action would be best for everyone, including Jedediah Grist.
Once on the plane, Grist was able to collect his thoughts, fall asleep, and wake-up back in the United States. He was heard as he stepped off the plane in South Carolina, “Praise Jesus I’m back home in the republic away from all that commie nonsense.”