Romney to Supporters at Rally: “Everyone Here Gets a Car!”

"Mitt Romney" "car"

Romney surprised opponents and delighted supporters at a weekend rally in Kansas City during which he promised to give every single attendee a car.

The promise came without warning, and was made following a smattering of boos from the crowd after Romney announced his intention, if elected, to “put an end to Obamacare once and for all.”

The audience’s disapproval appeared to throw the candidate for a loop, which may explain why he quickly shifted tactics, from his planned discussion of deep medicare cuts, to the unexpected declaration, after a moment of awkward silence, that everyone present at the rally would receive an extremely generous parting gift.

“You get a car!” the candidate said abruptly, pointing to an elderly man in the front row, who appeared confused by the statement.

“And you get a car!” he added, amid gasps from the crowd, grinning nervously at a young woman with a baby in her arms.

“And you, and you, and you get a car!” Romney said with growing enthusiasm, employing finger guns to gesture at several other members of the audience in rapid succession, as cheers went up from stunned attendees.

The tone of the rally changed immediately, as the audience roared with delight, nearly drowning out the rest of the candidate’s speech in their excitement.

After the event, Romney was questioned by reporters about his astonishing promise.  They demanded to know where he planned to find several hundred cars to give to his supporters.  The candidate waved their queries away dismissively, saying that he was pretty sure he had “a couple hundred Cadillacs” in the garage of his California beach house.

“I would like to note that I do not think Americans should get something for nothing, and I am still against giving out free stuff,” Romney said, almost as an afterthought, adding, “unless it’s to people who are going to vote for me.”

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