Can’t be gay to eat at Chick-fil-A: Company introduces sexual orientation screenings and Biblical menu

"Chick-fil-a" "gay" "ban"

Fast food chain Chick-fil-A announced that it will be requiring sexual orientation screenings before you can eat in their restaurants.  It’s already a widely known fact that the food chain openly donates to anti-gay groups and organizations fighting gay marriage.  However, an extra step is being taken to assure that gays and lesbians stay far away from the food chain in general.

When recently asked about Chick-fil-A’s view on gays and gay marriage, President Dan Cathy replied:

“We are very much supportive of the family – the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.”

When pressed specifically about what the sexual orientation screenings would entail, a representative for Chick-fil-A responded:

“We’re not against homosexuals. We’ll gladly allow them to purchase our food and take their money.  Yet–we are a family food chain that values the traditional family. Therefore, we find it necessary to assure our customers that only traditional families are represented in our restaurants.  Homosexual couples  may order  food and we won’t turn their money away—however—they will be kindly asked to take their food elsewhere.   Our staff is being trained on how to identify homosexuals and homosexual behavior, such as feminine gestures and limp wrists in males and childless females with husky voices. Homosexuals are also discouraged from concealing their immoral choices in an attempt to dine in with traditional families.  God speaks to us and we’ll know. We’ll know. “

Since making their anti-gay and anti-gay marriage stances known, people have flocked to the Chick-fil-A company website and facebook page  to voice their outrage.

The company has tried to evade public scrutiny by suggesting that the bickering over gay rights and gay marriage be left to politicians and policy makers.  However, it will be hard for the company to defend that stance if they begin screening customers for  homosexual tendencies.

Chick-fil-A is also reported to be developing new menu items which reflect their religious beliefs and dedication to family values.  Rumored biblical menu items  include, “Noah’s Ark Chicken Tenders,” “Body of Christ Biscuits,”  “Holy Sweet Tea,” and “Traditional Family Meals.”

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