Glass Cabin Republicans Hold Undisclosed Party

Glass Cabin Republicans enjoying the organization's first party in 152 years (partially redacted photo)

WASHINGTON DC (FWP) May 31 – A well established, yet extremely secretive political consulting organization has just announced their first major event since the groups founding in 1860.  The Glass Cabin Republicans is an association of gay Republican politicians who work very hard to keep their homosexuality a secret.

At a Wednesday press conference Glass Cabin Republican spokesman Ken Mehlman explained that because of privacy concerns the time and place of this event was not made public until after it was over.  He provided these belated details;

“The Glass Cabin Republicans are happy to announce the success of the party they secretly held on October 31st  of last year at Washington DC’s famed Town Danceboutique.  The name and theme of the event was Staying In, which refers to ongoing efforts to keep the group’s members in office by keeping them in the closet.  The organization had not held a public event of this size since it’s founding 152 years ago.  The organization decided to take a risk because they believe it will be an important networking tool and a good chance to party among like-minded people.”

An unnamed party goer described the event as,

“A lot like a Log Cabin Republican event, but with more shame, denial and self-loathing.”

Like the rest of its membership the co-chairs of the Glass Cabin Republicans are not publicly named, but they are rumored to be a former Governor and a current US Senator.  Mr. Mehlman read a statement from the co-chairs;

“GOProud and Log Cabin Republicans may be able to show a larger membership than we can, but I assure you that the number closeted Republicans is huge.  We have more members who are current Governors, Senators and House Members than those two organizations combined.  In 2010 we had a record number of candidates running for office.  Our organization has two main goals.  We want to recruit more closeted Republicans to run for office and then advise them on how to keep their sexual orientation a secret.”

Mr. Mehlman explained that he was not invited to the event because none of the group’s members wanted to risk being seen with him. When asked if the group took any pride in the success of the event Mehlman responded,

“I would say that they were pleased, but that they had no pride.”

Mehlman concluded his press by announcing the winners of the awards which had been presented at the party.  The Larry Craig Frequent Flyer Award went to an unnamed member of Congress.  The Mark Foley Text Message Award went to an unnamed Governor.

 

Read more from Brent Youngren:

Justin Bieber’s Cuba Tweets Stir Controversy

Romney: “I don’t hate all homosexuals”

Legislation to Outlaw ‘Recreational Masturbation’

Mega Millions Winner Killed on the Way to Claim Prize

Brent Youngren has written for Free Wood Post since it began.  He continues to be amazed at the general gullibility of many Americans.  He has made it his mission to help create a more cynical nation.  A complete list of his articles (along with a few photos of his kids) can be seen at Blog of Brent. You can also follow him on Twitter @SalParadise1000 to get updates on any new articles.


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