Edna and Matilda Hamilton, a newlywed lesbian couple from Queens, New York, have been spotlighted as openly flaunting the sole purpose of their marriage as to destroy marriage for straight people the country over as outwardly as they flaunt their sexual orientation. A statement from Edna, the eldest partner, followed:
“That’s just what we gays want: to get married just so we can invalidate the Christian values that this nation was built off of.”
When asked of the origin of their attraction to the same sex, she answered:
“Going lesbian was the best choice I’ve ever made.”
The state of New York passed a law legalizing same-sex marriage in mid-2011 but, as expected, many took a stance against the bill stating that true marriage should exist only between a man and a woman. Today, it is assured that these same citizens –from lobbyists to dated congressmen to common citizens– shared a mien of exasperation grabbing their newspapers off of their lawns early this morning as a picture of the happy couple describing the ulterior motive of their marriage in bold lettering was strewn across the front page.
Ignoring the fact that after the statement was published –and well after the marriage occurred– nothing had really changed, many who took offense to this new revelation went into a widespread frenzy. Riots in the street outside the home of Fred Phelps acted as the ideal cover to allow Westboro Baptist Church preacher Fred Phelps and his family to sneak out-of-town, drawing only minimal attention.
A representative attempted to reach Phelps on what seemed to be a personal cellular phone line for comment, but contact was unsuccessful. For Mrs. And Mrs. Hamilton, it appears the mosquito activity is about to pick up in their area in the form of Phelps-kin.