Almost four years after he left the Oval Office, President Bush is apparently still having trouble adjusting to life as a “regular” person. Highly placed sources inside his Crawford ranch say he spends most of his day shuffling in his bathrobe and fuzzy slippers from room to room and playing lots of “Risk”.
“It’s sad, really, to see the once mighty President Bush brought so low. Granted, he wasn’t the most astute Commander-in-Chief our nation has seen, but still, you have to feel for the guy. It’s like something just snapped.” The source went on to say the staff does what they can to make him feel important, or even necessary. “He always want to play ‘Risk’. Night and day. I guess he still feels that itch to invade and occupy countries. So we indulge him. I can’t even tell you how many games I’ve played over the past few years. I don’t mind, though. They’re usually over pretty quickly. He’s not that bright. Honestly, if Iraq had gone the way of his ‘Risk’ games, the world would look a lot different today.”
Insiders also reveal Laura occasionally lets him listen in on her phone conversations, and even former Vice President Dick Cheney stops by every once in a while. “We always know when Dick is coming by because George takes out all his Cabbage Patch Dolls the night before. They like to practice enhanced interrogation techniques on them. Have you ever seen a Cabbage Patch Doll waterboarded? Pretty disturbing stuff. Still, it’s worth it to see the smile it puts on W.’s face.”