CIA Set to Buy Facebook, Poking Around the Idea of a “Safer America”

The Central Intelligence Agency will be getting more social in the next few months, when they are expected to buy out Facebook. In an unprecedented move by a government agency, the CIA has set up a contract agreement with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg to purchase all servers and privacy rights. Early price information of the purchase is in the ballpark of $30 Billion. This means that all user profiles from the social media platform will belong to the CIA and their Security Information Protection team.

The CIA released a statement to all media outlets who requested information.

We here at the Central Intelligence Agency would like to officially welcome all users of the social media platform, Facebook, to a new beginning of secure browsing and safe online interaction. Our purchase of Facebook will not change the way its users conduct themselves in the community. It will only guarantee that everyone is safe from the web predators that are lurking on the internet. The security team that will take over all moderation of the platform will search and scan the website daily to obtain sensitive information regarding security concerns and terrorist threats. As it is known, a number of terror organizations use Facebook to spread their message of hate. Some are even known to poke one another to signal an attack. We would just like to reiterate that your information will be stored in our database forever, but it will not be a threat to you if you’re not a threat to us. Information kept in our database will range from IP addresses ,web history, interactions between users within the last 10 years, and group affiliations.


A new website that will soon be released will provide information and answers to people wondering how this will affect them. The header of that website states “A Safer America, One Poke at a Time.”

Mark Zuckerberg and his Facebook team are expected to announce this news in the next few weeks.

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