GOP: Should Women Even Have the Right to Vote?

Republican leaders met Monday evening to discuss a pressing question that has been the subject of frequent debate by conservatives of late.  Namely, do women still deserve the right to vote?

“This is a difficult question,” said Georgia state rep. Terry England, who has been in the news recently for his introduction of a bill banning all abortions after 20 weeks.  “Lots of us feel very strongly one way or the other on the issue of women voting– but I believe the time has come for us to reach a consensus.

“Women are our mothers,” England continued.  “They are our daughters, our sisters, and our wives.  But mainly, they are our baby-incubators, and they seem to have forgotten that as of late.”

England suggested that giving women the power to vote has caused them to become “uppity” in recent years.

“It’s almost as though they feel that they should have the right to make all kinds of important decisions,” he said, smiling ruefully, as the room full of male lawmakers shook their heads and chuckled.  “You know women.  They’re never satisfied with what they have.  First we allowed them to work outside the home.  Now all of a sudden they demand to have control over when they get pregnant, and whether or not they carry those pregnancies to term.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s adorable that they think their thoughts and feelings matter.  But lately these sentiments seem to be getting out of hand.”

He added, “It needs to stop.”

Nevada Republican state legislator Brent Crane said England’s call to action on the issue of female voters was “brave, thoughtful and honest,” adding, “I think he’s just saying what we’re all thinking here.”

Said Crane, “We are almost at the point where we are considering whether women might have valid opinions on serious matters of consequence.  It’s clear we need to rein things in, and quickly, before they go any further.”

“When you think about it,” added Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell, “if we can’t even trust women to make decisions about what happens to their own bodies, how can we possibly give them the power to vote lawmakers into office?”

He called it “fortunate” that he and his fellow legislators had managed to achieve positions of power, despite the fact that women are currently still allowed to vote.

“Now that we’re here, and in control,” he said, “let’s make sure we stay that way. Therefore I move for Congress to introduce legislation which bans women from voting at the soonest possible juncture.  I think you’ll all agree that this is an issue of the utmost importance.”

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