79% of Energy Bars Consumed Behind Desks

Despite vibrant product packaging that often depicts a rugged-looking individual bicycling across a desert or scaling a mountain precipice, recent analysis has revealed that most energy bars are in fact eaten by office workers while they sit in cubicles and surf the internet.

Available in a wide variety of flavors, colors, and nutritional profiles, energy bars have experienced a surge of popularity in recent years.  The portable and calorie-dense supplements were originally designed to nourish exercise enthusiasts and amateur athletes whose physical exertions required them to constantly replenish their hard-working bodies with necessary vitamins and nutrients.  However, recent studies have indicated that most energy bars are actually being used to replenish the highly sedentary and often overweight bodies of men and women whose office jobs require little, if any, exercise during the day.  In fact, many office workers report that they regularly use an energy bar to refuel after a challenging four minute walk to the vending machine in the employee lounge for a soda.

“It isn’t that I intended my Mountain Bars to be used only by triathletes and hardcore marathoners-in-training,” said one founder of a popular energy bar company.  “But I did sort of create them with the idea that they would be eaten by people whose idea of exercise went beyond an occasional stroll around the block for a frozen yogurt.”

Some consumers were resentful of the implication that their daily activities did not warrant a heavily caloric snack whose label claims it will provide them with enough reserve energy to swim extra laps or climb a rock wall for an entire afternoon.

“Sure, it’s not like I jog five or six miles after I have an energy bar in my car on the way to work in the morning,” said Lowell, MA resident Susan Ficks.  “But I do try park a couple blocks away when I get there so I have a good five-minute walk to the office.  That is, if I’m not running late.”

Early research into the consumption of sports drinks is beginning to indicate a similar pattern of use during all-night online role-playing games, although they are also increasingly used by sports fans to replenish electrolytes after long, exhausting afternoons spent watching televised games.

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