Santorum Proposes ‘Jesus and Bake Sale’ Health Care Option

Rick Santorum suggested Tuesday that Americans who oppose the individual mandate portion of the healthcare bill should have the option to sign up for what he called the ‘Jesus and Bake Sale’ health plan.

“Maybe you don’t have a lot of money to waste on Obamacare; maybe you never get sick because your faith in God keeps you healthy,” he said, speaking at a rally in Virginia.  “Either way, I firmly believe that a mandate to buy into a government healthcare system constitutes a debasement of the trust that we Christians have in Jesus to keep us vaccinated with God’s divine love.”

“Why should you be forced to pay into a system in which your money might be used to treat atheists and other heathens?”  Santorum added.

He smiled at the crowd and held his hands out.  “Best of all, my plan would be free,” he said.  “All you need to be eligible is a tightly-knit community of long-time friends and neighbors who would be willing to pull together and hold bake sales to raise money to pay your hospital bills, should the need arise, and a deep, abiding faith that our Lord will ultimately keep you out of harm’s way, rendering such bake sales unnecessary.”

“If He doesn’t,” he added, “maybe you weren’t believing hard enough.  I’m just saying.”

To illustrate the merits of his health plan, Santorum then invited 38-year-old Chesapeake resident Marjory Thornton to join him onstage.

“Marjory’s story is a heartwarming example of the power of faith, love, community, God, and hundreds of thousands of homemade cupcakes,” he said.  “And some car washes, and a fish fry or two at the local VFW.  And some media coverage.  That didn’t hurt.”

Santorum explained that Thornton and her husband had been out of work for nearly a year when her liver failed unexpectedly.  Without health insurance, she relied on a network of family and friends who came together to raise money to pay for a transplant.

“Without this loving, supportive community, and also without health insurance, which I was ineligible for due to a pre-existing condition, I don’t know what I would have done,” she said, tears welling in her eyes.  “Thanks to their tireless efforts, we were able to raise nearly fourteen thousand dollars towards my treatment.”  There was thunderous applause.

Santorum thanked Mrs. Thornton and stepped back to the podium, but she edged in front of him and leaned into the microphone.  “Of course, the total cost of my treatment was almost ninety thousand dollars,” she said quickly, as Santorum gently shoved her aside with a frozen smile.  “So we’ve got a ways to go.  That’s why we’re actually selling t-shirts and mix CDs at a table over there, to help defray those medical costs so we don’t lose our home–” at this point several of Santorum’s aides firmly led the woman off the stage.

The candidate returned to the microphone.  “Vote Santorum if you love Jesus and cupcakes!” he said.  “No further questions.  Thank you and God bless.”

 

 

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