Breaking News: Tim Tebow Arrested in New York City

Reports are circulating that new Jets quarterback Tim Tebow has been arrested and charged with harassment in the first degree. The incident in question took place last night at a gay social event in Battery Park, when witnesses stated that Tebow was yelling and making inappropriate gestures towards event goers. The NYPD was called, and arrived to the scene around 7:36 PM. At that time Tebow was being held down by fellow teammates against a park bench.

“He just went crazy. I never seen someone get so upset.” Joann Martucci of Williamsburg, Brooklyn said to reporters. “He started shouting that God will deal with the sinners, and that homosexuality is the involvement of the beast.” Dustin Keller, tight end and teammate of Tim Tebow, was at the scene attempting to calm the situation. He stated, “We thought he needed a night out on the town, show him his new home. We could tell as the night progressed that Tim started to get upset with the sights and sounds of the city. I asked him what was wrong, and he simply replied to me “This city is sinful and shameful.”

Police have released a statement written by Tim Tebow explaining his motive in the altercation.

“Coming to New York, I knew I was in for something different, something exciting. But today, I felt so dirty after seeing all the sin being tossed around. My teammates and I arrived at Battery Park, where I saw a gathering of young people. As I approached the gathering, I realized it was a homosexual event. They were celebrating a sin, and I knew God was angry. I simply yelled out loud that I thought this was a sin. A woman responded to me by calling me a nut job. I responded by warning them not to disrespect the prophet and to stop before I walk across the pond and give her God’s almighty punishment. As the group approached me, I protected myself by grabbing a wooden plank from the ground and started swinging it while yelling out God’s prayers. I was only passing the message of our lord and savior.”

Tim Tebow posted bail and has been released until a trial date can be set.

The New York Jets front office are said to release a statement within the next couple of days.


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