FOX NEWS: “Did Trayvon Steal the Candy and Tea?”

Fox News anchors and hosts are beginning to ask fair and balanced questions about the Trayvon Martin tragedy, and today the nation’s most popular news source is reporting, “no receipt was found by investigators for the candy or the tea Martin was menacing at George Zimmerman when the neighborhood watchman was forced to defend himself.”

The revelation came this morning on Fox and Friends during an interview with Bill “Bull” Lee, who has temporarily stepped-down as Sanford Chief of Police in order to act as Zimmerman’s official spokesman. Lee told the cast of the popular morning show, “After we stripped the dead suspect and tested him for drug and alcohol use and then dug under his finger and toe nails for any incriminating DNA, we checked his blood-soaked clothes for any kind of evidence of wrong doing.  All we found was 34 cents and a couple of baseball cards.”

“That’s it?” Gretchen Carlson asked dismayed. “Seems to me that something was obviously missing: why wasn’t there a receipt for the pop [sic] and candy?”

“We at the Sanford Police Department asked the exact same question, Gretchen,” Lee explained. “We concluded that the suspect must have stolen the candy and tea, and in my mind that bolstered Mr. Zimmerman’s self-defense claim. A criminal brandishing his stolen goods can be quite threatening when you’re following him in your SUV with a nine-millimeter, semi-auto handgun loaded with a full clip of hollow-point ammo.”

Carlson, in her classic journalistic style, stayed on the scent: “So were the baseball cards found on Martin of any value?” she asked. “Do we know if the family has produced a receipt for those?”

“To this point,” Lee answered, “the Martin family has refused to cooperate on that matter. However, I do know that Mr. Zimmerman believes that baseball cards were once stolen from him.”

This new line of investigation has echoed throughout the Fox News line-up.  Bill O’Reilly stated, “Candy and tea and baseball cards, but no receipts? Liberals can’t explain that. New twists to this case are bound to continue to turn-up as Fox News investigates the real reality of what happened in Sanford.”

 

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