Santorum Suggests ‘Hunger Games’ Contest for Illegal Immigrants

"Rick Santorum" "Citizenship Games"

Presidential hopeful Rick Santorum caused controversy yesterday when he suggested that a real-life Hunger Games could solve U.S. immigration problems. The Hunger Games, written by Suzanne Collins, is the story of a young girl who is forced by an oppressive government to take part in a televised battle to the death with 23 other “tributes”. The film version of the popular book opens nationwide this Friday. During a recent interview with conservative host Sean Hannity, Santorum spoke at length about the popular series as well as a proposed immigration act which would give 24 contestants the opportunity to earn U.S. Citizenship:

“No, I didn’t care for the books. I think Collins is trying to incite rebellion by portraying Katniss Everdeen as the heroine. Meanwhile, President Snow is painted as an evil dictator. It is the same problem we have in this country. Too many people want handouts and they paint the wealthy as the enemy. The Capitol was not the bad guy. The Districts rebelled because they were Socialists, Communists and Anarchists. They wanted something for nothing. Instead of destroying the Districts, the Capitol was compassionate and created the Hunger Games. The districts were taught the disadvantages of not conforming and the winners of the games were handsomely rewarded. I think we can learn a lot from the Capitol and that is why, as President, I will institute a Hunger Games-like competition to deal with illegal immigration.

The biggest concern regarding illegal immigration is that the majority of those people are either lazy or criminals. Sure, a few could be useful citizens but there needs to be a way to weed the rest out. That’s why I have been working with the Fox Network to create a U.S. version of the Hunger Games. Each season 24 illegal immigrants will be put into an arena and whoever is left standing will be granted citizenship. This event will succeed in finding out who really wants to be a citizen of our great country and who is looking for a free ride. It would generate jobs and bring much-needed ad revenue to the Fox Network. Finally, it would mean that there are 23 less illegal immigrants polluting our country. We’ll get them out of our prisons, out of our schools, out of our hospitals and most importantly out of our jobs.”

While the Fox Network refused to comment on the Santorum interview, a pro-Katniss Fox employee faxed over a Winter 2013 Programming Schedule that included the line, “Citizenship Games TBD”.

 

 

Orbson Rice is a deeply disturbed professional Writer and Editor. He is also the “Creator” of the blog “The Orbson Oracle” which is thoroughly offensive, often thoughtful and occasionally funny. Stroke your mouse and visit the Oracle to read more from the God of Words himself.

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Eagle image courtesy of: Purpleslog

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