WASHINGTON, DC – With prices at the pump on the rise, Republican leaders and Tea Party loyalists are pointing the finger at President Obama, claiming the he hasn’t done enough to get the oil market under the firm control of the US government.
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) stated, “President Obama clearly has a socialist agenda in leaving the price of gasoline at the pump up to the market while underhandedly promoting competition from green, communistic sources like the sun. It’s like he worships a Marxist Apollo or something.”
A few miles from the Capital in Arlington, VA, Tea Party supporter Matt Leach agrees, “Oh, we know Obama is a Marxist-socialist from Kenya; that’s why he’s letting market forces—like supply, demand, and the interests of speculators—dictate the price at the pump; he’s trying to be like some commie Grand Poobah something.”
Leach, who works at a government-funded hospital in the DC suburb of Bethesda, MD, says the twenty-mile drive from his driveway to work along I-495 is really starting to dig into his travel budget.
“Some dumb tree-hugging lib’s tried to tell me I shouldn’t drive a Hummer,” Leach said, “but I need it for groceries and stuff. Plus, it’s awesome for taking long road trips back and forth between here and Swifity’s in Columbus, OH—they have best bacon and mayo’ sandwiches on the planet.
“I have to cut back on trips to Columbus now, though,” Leach continued, “since that commie won’t control gas prices—I blame it all on Obama. He’s trying to hurt small businesses by promoting competition in the energy sector instead of just taking control of the market and forcing gas prices to go down like Reagan would have.”
Back at the House of Representatives, Cantor explained, “as Tea Party Republicans we believe in the free market, and that’s why we know we can’t afford not to hold Obama accountable for his reckless lack of control of fuel prices.”