Speaking at a rally at a Quik Tyme Park ‘n’ Shop near Mobile, AL this week, Republican Presidential front-runner Mitt Romney discussed his fondness for grits at length.
“I love grits!” He yelled into the microphone as sweat dripped down his forehead in the spring heat. “If it were legal to marry grits in this state, which I believe it should be, as long as the grits are of the opposite sex and the marriage produces grit-children, my wife might have to watch out!” Romney’s wife, Ann, was not at the event.
“They are just so, so tasty, y’all!” Romney continued, “As a matter of fact, I firmly believe that things would be a whole lot better in this country if we bought and paid for everything with greasy, delicious grits.”
“I like to eat them with a side of fried catfish, washed down with my cousin Shug Romney’s moonshine,” he added. “That’ll put some hair on your chest, heh heh heh.”
Romney began discussing the faltering state of the economy, but soon sidelined into a meandering story about lazy childhood summers spent fishing on the bayous of Detroit.
“And that’s where I learned to play the banjo,” he concluded, segueing into a recipe for his Aunt Luanne’s World Famous Possum Pie.
“You just can’t find good possum pie up in Massachusetts, y’all,” Romney lamented. “That’s why I’m so glad to be visiting the good folks down here in Mobile.”
The candidate then refused to take any questions that were unrelated to the best places to find fried okra and buttermilk biscuits.
Current polls show Romney with a slight lead the South, y’all.