WASHINGTON D. C. — Blake Parstat, an unapologetic chauvinist with a taste for danger, has found a new way to tease Amy Ruiz, a fellow advisor at Georgetown University. To rub-in the fact that Ruiz’s medically necessary birth control is not covered by the school’s group plan, Parstat is taking sacrilegious risks, getting injured, and then receiving medical treatments that are covered by the same plan.
Parstat who is currently wearing a leg cast and using crutches, explained, “It was so rad. I knew Amy was all PMS-ing about her birth control not being covered because the Church is against it, so I jumped out of an airplane while committing adultery as part of an airborne voodoo sacrifice of a pregnant goat. I pulled my chute a little late and ended up breaking a leg.”
Parstat said that the ambulance ride, the hospital stay, and the various treatments for his broken bones, bruises, and the STDs he received from the prostitute he hired to participate in the voodoo variation were all covered under the same group plan that denies Ruiz coverage for birth control.
“When I told Amy how much the insurance had paid-out and how I had gotten in my medical condition, she turned red in the face and passed-out,” Parstat said. “It was freaking hilarious.”
Ruiz is now in the hospital for laparoscopy on an ovarian cyst that had been neglected because the treatment, the Pill, is not covered by her insurance. She was unavailable for comment.