Bananas and Cucumbers Deemed “Too Sexual” and Will Soon Be Banned From Some Shelves in Tennessee

Many conservatives were disgruntled when First Lady Michelle Obama decided that healthy food and fitness were important factors in the lives of children. It seems they are now taking that hatred of health food to a new level. One town in Tennessee has just voted on two specific foods that will no longer be seen on the shelves there. 

In Clarksville, TN food shoppers will no longer be able to buy bananas and cucumbers. The town legislature, comprised heavily of staunch conservatives sees these two fruits (yes cucumbers are technically a fruit) as “too sexual” and seen as a bad influence to growing and developing children.

The panel of local legislators had this to say about their new law:

What parents don’t realize when then serve their children bananas and cucumbers is that they are literally putting food into their mouths that are in the shape of male genitalia. These parents are teaching their children how to offer fellatio. It is disgusting and disturbing, especially for the boys. The children of Clarksville will only eat produce that is wholesome and non-sexual in nature from now on. 

When the panel was asked what they thought about hotdogs still being served locally, they responded with,“hotdogs are an American tradition and are extremely healthy for growing bodies, especially when you slide them into a white bread bun.” 

Interestingly enough, an Islamic cleric residing in Europe said that women should stay away from bananas and cucumbers, in order to avoid any “sexual thoughts.” The parallels between many of the new conservative laws regarding women and children are stunning.

This new law is set to go into effect as soon as possible.

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