A New Form Of Contraception Is About To Become Available, “Aspirinexa”

Misogyn, Inc. announced plans yesterday to launch a campaign for what may be one of its most popular upcoming drugs. Named “Asprinexa”, the product is a small pink tablet that, when placed between the knees by female users, helps prevent pregnancy by making sexual intercourse impossible.

“We’ve developed this new drug to help today’s active woman prevent pregnancy without hormones, without messy creams and barriers, and without actual intercourse,” said a Misogyn, Inc. spokesperson.  He added, “Among non-sluts, the rate of effectiveness with proper use is 99%.”

While currently available only with a prescription, Misogyn, Inc. is working with the FDA to have Aspirinexa approved for over-the-counter use by Spring 2013.  Industry analysts have noted that the company has long been interested in breaking into the lucrative contraception market. The emergence of Aspirinexa provides a new option for women who dislike the methods of birth control currently available and who prefer to have their personal lives shamed and dictated by conservative middle-aged men.

Recent television advertisements for the drug show an attractive woman dressed in a power-suit reaching into her medicine cabinet for a bottle of Aspirinexa while smiling over her shoulder at a male companion, who is sitting on the edge of the bed looking unhappy.

A voice-over notes that Aspirinexa “Is the only totally safe, effective method of contraception that meets the approval of nearly nine out of ten angry right-wing misogynists in America.  Just a single Aspirinexa, taken between the knees prior to intercourse, helps prevent pregnancy, disease, sexual satisfaction and intimacy.”

The woman holds up a small pink tablet and smiles into the camera. “Talk to your doctor about whether Asprinexa may be right for you,”she says, adding, “you bad, dirty whore.”

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