Tea Party Forms Counter Insurgency in the War on Christmas

Members of the Kemmerer, Wyoming Tea Party released a statement today confirming reports of a massive military build up within their city limits. Henry Hunter, leader and founder of the Kemmerer Keystone Knights a Tea Party affiliated group, or the KKK for short, stated today that his organization and other Tea Party groups around the country are stockpiling ammunition and equipment to counter the war on Christmas. “Socialists, gays, and demons are moving in and roadside bombing Christmas. We will not allow this group of terrorists destroy American values. We are a Christian nation, it says it in our Constitution! Happy Holidays isn’t tolerable, there’s only one holiday, and that’s the Lord’s birthday, Christmas!”

Official documents and receipts show the purchase of 50,000 rounds of ammunition, 17,000 machine guns, 1400 grenade launchers, and 6 tanks and unmanned drones. A phone call to the Kemmerer Police Department to ask the legality of these purchases went unanswered.


Alice Johnson, a KKK member and mother of four, commented on her group’s intentions. “This isn’t just a war on the socialists, this is a preparation for the invasion of the China- men. They are our second biggest threat, look around you! All you see is China built cars, China built televisions, and Chinese food restaurants! They infiltrated our society, with the help of our Muslim in Chief. We will never associate ourselves with a Chinese made product again!”

More research showed the equipment purchased came from a Chinese weapon company called Feng United Corporation of Kowloon – the Unified Systems Alliance, or FUCK the USA for short.

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