Gingrich Advises Occupy Movement: “Take a bath, get a job, and stick with your wife.”

Newt Gingrich took it upon himself to pass a bit of sage wisdom – and tough love – to the Occupy Movement on Monday, indicating they needed some lessons in personal hygiene, hard work, and marital fidelity.

When questioned on Fox News about what he would say to the Occupy Wall Street protestors, Gingrich responded quickly and thoughtfully.

“My advice to the Occupy Movement?  Take a bath, get a job, and remember that nothing’s more important than family. That’s why I’ve had three.  They’ve all been hard work, but I’m a believer in working hard.  And let me add a little more about cleanliness – because I’m an enormous fat old man, it’s especially difficult to stay clean, so I work extra hard at that as well.”

“I worked hard over the years to put on all this weight.  With all the stress that comes with being a millionaire historian for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, you’d think I would have sweated myself down to a hundred and twenty pounds.”

“But no – I doggedly stuck with my favorite foods and routine of no exercise, because loyalty is important.  Just ask my kids from my first marriage.”


Gingrich then reached behind the table to pull out a large visual aid.  Chuckling a little, the GOP frontrunner said he’d brought along a picture “because as we all know the Occupy Movement isn’t particularly smart.”

“This chart can be downloaded online,” said Gingrich, “And I would advise everyone do so and pass it out to my supporters, to the Undecideds, and of course to those filthy protesters.”

“Its point is pretty obvious.”

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