Study: Jesus Paid $0 in Taxes Last Year

A new study from a tax watch dog shows that Jesus Christ paid $0 in taxes last year. The study reviewed Jesus’s tax returns, assets, estates and net income. In the twenty-four page report, Jesus made a net income of a little over $24 billion. His ventures in movies, copyrights, bible sales, clothing, jewelry and other markets, launched him into a household name. Most of his value was inherited by his father, God, who passed along his secrets to success.

The report also shows that Christ, paid $0 in taxes during the 2010 fiscal year. Finance expert and employment researcher, George Mermer, wrote on his website. “Jesus hired zero people since he created his empire. Every employee that worked for him were either volunteers or martyrs.” He then went on to say, “these people who followed him [Jesus] had to make an income through donations and public assistance.”

We called Christ’s headquarters in Italy where we spoke with his financial adviser, Jill Piazza. “Mr. Christ paid for all your sins, is that not enough!?” before hanging up on us.  Continued calls were then forwarded to voice mail.

The outrage and uproar swept the internet today when learning of Jesus’s unpaid taxes. “The 1 percent does nothing but steal steal steal!” Robin Finnerty of Occupy Nazareth said in a CNN online article. “Why am I not surprised?” cried Thomas Dugan of Orlando Fl.


Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney said after a press conference, “Jesus Christ is a proven businessman, job creator and the perfect example of the American Dream.” He continued by saying, “Why are we punishing success? His organization [Christianity] has been nothing but peaceful, law-abiding citizens and never harmed a fly.”

Doug Lamborn (R) Colorado said, “Jesus is a white man, trying to make it in white America. Liberals are like tar babies, once you touch one, you get their substance on you.” He finished his statement by saying, “The left will always cry and cry, shut up! and get a job losers.”

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