Rocking the theological world on Wednesday, a group of Baptist archaeologists from Pat Robertson University announced that Jesus was ‘undoubtedly tall, handsome, and blonde-haired,’ just like actor Peter Norton. Guided primarily by faith-based evidence, the team of eleven researchers toiled for more than twenty minutes before reaching consensus on Christ’s exact likeness.
“This is an amazing find,” said head researcher Dr. John McClure, “Now we can finally do away with the imagery created by unbelievers who have insulted our Lord by depicting him as something other than Nordic.”
While somewhat secretive as to their exact research methods, Dr. McClure did reveal that a key element in the process involved asking the big man upstairs for guidance.
“We went straight to the source,” said McClure. “I told everyone to close their eyes and ask God to send them an image of what our Lord Jesus truly looked like. When we discussed the images afterwards, everyone described virtually the same individual.”
McClure went on to note that with his team’s findings, Christians need never again fear Jesus being portrayed as black, gay, or Jewish.