Airlines Fund Pro-Life PAC

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Airlines Announce Pro-Life Stance

News release from Association of Airline Passengers*

In a show of solidarity with right-minded Americans, three major airlines today announced they were in support of the concept that Life Begins at Conception. Delta, American, and Alaska Airlines said further, that to fund a PAC to support pro-life candidates, they were introducing “fetus fees.” These airlines have been allowing passengers between ages two and 12 to ride half-fare, and that practice will continue. However, passengers younger than age 2 were riding free with their parents; now there will be a pro-rated fee. For children from birth to age two, there will be a charge of one-third fare. For the fetus, there will be a charge of one-quarter fare.

“We considered further pro-ration, said Hiram Smalley, airline spokesman. “After all, a fetus in the first trimester really doesn’t weigh very much. But what if the mother takes an extended trip, she’s only a few weeks pregnant when she books the ticket, but by the time she returns she’s eight months pregnant. The other passengers, up until now, had to pay to carry all that extra weight.”

When asked how a passenger’s pregnancy would be determined, Smalley said, “Oh, we expect our passengers will tell us voluntarily. We intend to x-ray every female passenger at the gate. If a woman knows she’s pregnant, she will volunteer the information rather than risk harm to the baby, we would think.”

Smalley also said that, prior to being x-rayed, passengers would be required to sign a waiver.

*The Association of Airline Passengers is a wholly owned subsidiary of Koch Industries.
As is everything else in this country.

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