Herman Cain Admits to Believing in Science, GOP Base Outraged

Herman Cain was asked during an interview on ABC’s The View if he believes that being gay is a choice. He replied that he does, but went on to assert, “You show me the science that says it’s not, and I could be persuaded.”

That admission has outraged the GOP base and prompted numerous calls that he drop out of the Presidential race.

GOP activist, Billy Bob Beanbeater of Lummox, Texas stated, “Damn him! Damn him and all he stands for! I had hoped we’d found the anti-Obama in the able Mr. Cain. But clearly Cain is as Cain does! He is Satan’s representative on Earth!”

Beanbeater’s remarks were echoed by the GOP rank-and-file across the country. “Jesus never believed in Science and neither does any real Republican! Herman Cain is a liberal in sheeple clothing,” observed former Cain supporter Eubie S. Crood of Ohio’s Sandusky Republican Party.


Cain’s admission was also greeted with derision by his fellow GOP Presidential candidates. “The man’s crazy!” asserted Gov. Rick Perry, “Not that I have anything against crazy, mind you. Some of my best friends are crazy, but you know what I mean, wink-wink.”

Ron Paul weighed in with, “Science. I’m opposed to it on principle. And as you all know I am a man of principles. Just not scientific principles.”

“I am now and have always been a firm believer that Science is the Devil’s Work,” noted Michele Bachmann, “That’s why I will, when God appoints me President, make no decision whatsoever based on so-called evidence – scientific or otherwise.”

Cain’s campaign was asked for clarification with regard to the candidate’s apparent support for science, but refused to take our phone calls.

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