U.S. Special Forces Celebrate Repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

While a majority of military servicemen had their guesses regarding who would be the first to tie-the-knot now that DADT has been repealed, the marriage last Saturday of Wayne “Beachhead” Sneeden to Cooper “Low-Light” MacBride came as a shock to many.

“I uh, I’m totally fine with it,” said G.I. Joe Commander General Hawk, speaking to the Associated Press from an undisclosed location via field radio. “I mean, bit of a shock, I would’ve put money down on Leatherneck and Wetsuit to be totally honest. But if [Sneeden and MacBride] are happy, then I’m happy.”

The ceremony on Saturday saw nearly 200 Joes in attendance, though the noticeable absence of Sgt. Slaughter cast a slight pall on the proceedings.

“Ah c’mon,” said one inebriated sailor, who asked to remain anonymous. “Who is Sarge foolin’? He acts like he’s all disapprovin’ of what’s goin’ on, but none of us have seen that guy even look at a girl. Now if you’ll excuse me, we all know what a weddin’ does to the lady-folk. Time for ol’ Shipwreck to make his move.”


While some people were astonished by the relaxed attitude ‘America’s most elite fighting force’ has taken on the issue of gay marriage, rank and file members said the public shouldn’t be too surprised.

“Things were always pretty easy-going among the Joes,” said one guest in attendance. “I mean, I wore my football jersey every single day when I was a Joe, and no one said nothing. And I said I only wanted to use bazookas, so they only ever gave me bazookas. And this one guy, I think he was like, our medic before he got eaten by one of Cobra’s gigantic genetic experiments, he refused to use any weapons at all. Seriously! He wouldn’t use a weapon! Mighta played some role in him getting eaten, but anyways that’s all a lot more strange then men marrying each other.”

“I’ll be honest. I more than condone gay marriage. Heck, when it comes to Lady Jay and Scarlet, I’ve been imagining it for years.”

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