Rick Perry Unveils His Two Fold Energy Plan, Nuke Canada and Take Their Oil

At a Houston area fund-raiser, Gov. Rick Perry spoke to the Oil Producers of America and laid out his two-fold energy plan:

“All we have to do is nuke Canada and take their oil, hell..it’s not like we ever trusted the sneaky socialist bastards anyway. Invading them will take too much time and effort, they only have 10% of our population and no guns to fight us with, but we have to decisively strike first before their socialized medicine and liberal ideas creep southward and corrupts our society..hell, Washington State might as well belong to Canada with all its social programs and caring for the poor and elderly. They’re even building homes for homeless people in Seattle, they got the idea from them Canadians. Boys, half of Canada’s army is in Afghanistan now fighting the Taliban for us, hell..they’ll never see it coming boys. The fact is America needs oil and Canada has it. Those bastards are liberal ’til they charge us for it, they say they want to do business but they take us to the cleaners with all their commie, tree hugging environmental policies. I’ll lay it out for y’all, we need to nuke them first, invent a weapons of mass destruction story and trick them into gathering the rest of their forces along the border to make it look like they started it.  Damn, we can even nuke Seattle and San Francisco in one shot and blame it on them. Hell, it’ll solve two of our  problems.” (laughter)

The Canadian government was quick to reply to Governor Perry’s hyperbole and Canadian Prime Minister, Stephen Harper’s cabinet issued a letter of grievance to the White House. The White House brushed it off as campaign trail ramblings and Governor Perry just trying to pump up his base. The Canadian Army which has 35,000 troops total, 19,500 regular army and 16,000 were put on a heightened status, the Royal Canadian Navy is in the process of fixing their ship but they have the highest confidence they will get it running in time in the event of an American strike.


When asked about his comments and Prime Minster Harper’s concerns over his inflammatory comments. Governor Perry replied, “What’s a Prime Minister?”

The Canadian Government reports purchases of mass quantities of surplus Canadian equipment and uniforms have been taken place by Texas-based corporations. Our neighbors to the north look southward with well placed trepidation and a well founded healthy paranoia for Texans bearing gifts.

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