Congressional Republicans Submit a Bill to Ban Atheism

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September 23, 2011  Washington, D.C.

In a small ceremony at the Capital Hill Baptist Church, John Boehner presented H.R. 1822.

“To celebrate the Corcordat of Worms, I have chosen today to announce H.R. 1822, the Religious Freedom and Rights act of 2011. This bill will prohibit discrimination against the faithful by protecting us against, and I quote, ‘the scurrilous and slanderous attacks by heathens and non-believers’ in print, radio, television, and other forms of media and such attacks will henceforth be seen as a criminal offense akin to a hate crime and will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.”

Looking up from his notes, Boehner continues: “For too long, un-American elements have denigrated real Americans by questioning the foundation of this great nation, Christianity. We can no longer allow these elements to be free to run off their mouths and disagree with us and the true teachings of Christ any more than Joseph McCarthy would have allowed communism to run afoul of our nation.”

The City Council and Mayor of Provo, Utah passed a similar measure in 2007 after youths in a high school there started an atheists club.


Joseph Lieberman said when interviewed about the bill, “I support this bill whole heartedly. Remember, the Constitution guarantees freedom of religion, not freedom from religion.”  Leon Panetta added that he was sure, “Laws like these will make us secure from the terrorist threat I constantly tell you we are under.”

Ron Paul, front-runner for fourth place in the Republican presidential primaries said, “As a Libertarian, I support the defense of Christianity against free speech slurs by atheists.”

In a rare show of emotion, President Barack Obama was seen rolling his eyes at the news of Boehner’s press conference.

Peace,
Tex Shelters

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