A new law meant to better protect America’s young women – and their long-suffering fathers - from the threat posed by ‘Meatheads’ was signed by President Obama today. ‘Archie’s Law,’ named for iconic 1970s sitcom character Archie Bunker, will make it a federal offense for any hippie, malcontent, or intellectual college boy, to approach, proposition, or otherwise socially engage single American women. Such individuals will also be required to register their home address on a nationwide ‘Archie’s List’ and notify authorities if they seek to move elsewhere.
In a Department of Justice press release, Archie’s Law was called a ‘major step forward’ in keeping “dem dead from da neck up, Marxist, no-good bums from ruinin’ our girlses’ lives.”
Officials had no comment, however, when it was pointed out by Wikipedia that Archie’s Law has actually existed for decades as an attempt, in physics, to describe ion flow in consolidated sands possessing varying intergranular porosity.