Texas Governor Rick Perry Unveils 5-Point Economic Plan, Mechanized Battlesuit

In a press conference held today by GOP presidential nominee frontrunner Rick Perry, the Texas governor unveiled his extensive 5-point economic action plan, along with a schematic for a fusion-powered suit of flying armor.

Calling education the cornerstone of economic growth, Perry proclaimed “You don’t get anywhere in this world without a strong educational background behind you. Take for example the Japanese fellas who designed the ‘Honor Perry Tekka Gold Prelude Battle Death Suit.’ I don’t know what that name’s supposed to mean, but it’s not their fault they don’t speak good English. They make good machines, and it’s ‘cause they got a good education when they were younger.”

Momentarily leaving the subject of his power armor, the governor returned to his economic plan.

“A country has to be flexible and ready for anything, and that’s why I propose creating two new separate Congressional panels, of equal power, able to adjust interest rates completely independent of each other, based on whatever criteria they wish.”

Perry paused for a moment before continuing with a sly grin. “I got the idea from my Tekka suit’s two different automated targeting programs: the… Murasune… or no, that’s not it – the Muramasa Targeting System, and the, uh, Masamune Targeting System. These Systems will do all the targeting work for me if I turn them on. I just gotta pull the trigger. Except the Japanese folks told me never to use, I think it was the Muramasa System… well, it was one of them, as it would drive me insane, and leave me unable to distinguish friend from foe.”


“But enough about that, anyways, those two Congressional panels, just like the Mura…sune, and uh, Masa… mura Systems – one of them would have to be made up of insane people. Checks and balances – that’s what makes our system great.”

Despite being several inches taller than usual and significantly bulkier, Perry denied he was currently wearing the power armor underneath his clothing. “Naw,” said the Governor, “That thing’s still in the conceptual stage.”

“I am, as of this moment, totally defenseless,” he continued with a slight chuckle. “So uh, anyone wanted to come after me, now’d be the time to try.” The governor then went silent for several moments, scanning the area around him, before a slightly disappointed look crossed his face. “Huh. No one? Hm. Dammit.”

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