Congressman Proposes Regulatory Reform

In a surprising press conference Rep. Dave Reichert (R – WA 8) announced that he would be introducing legislation that would eliminate large segments of existing scientific regulation.  At a press conference Rep. Reichert explained his reasons for proposing this legislation.

“My legislation will eliminate many of the job killing regulations that are currently part of our everyday life.  I believe that if left alone the free market will be able do a much better job at controlling these aspects of our economy.  Over many years science has amassed too many laws to operate efficiently.  They are written in an arcane manner and are unintelligible to the average person.  Some of them are centuries old.   Even today we still require school children across the country to study many of these laws.  I am told that the time required to receive a graduate degree in most scientific disciplines could be slashed if knowledge of these laws was no longer required.  I was amazed when the Chamber of Commerce showed me a list of laws which are no longer necessary and they propose be eliminated.  The complete list will be included in the press release, but a few of the more significant ones are Electromagnetic Laws, Laws of Thermodynamics and Faraday’s Law of Induction.  The law that is perhaps the most burdening to commerce, the Law of Gravity, will also be eliminated.  In the past only a very few magicians were ever allowed to defy gravity.  Now, by doing away with this law, businesses will be able to move freight faster and at greatly reduced cost.


Rep. Reichert went on to explain the national security implication of his legislation.

“The legislation also includes some aspects of mathematics. I was alarmed when I learned that much of the math that we currently use was originally developed in the Arab world.   Many of you who regularly count things will be surprised to learn that our numerical system is known by mathematicians as “Arabic Numbers”.  When my legislation becomes law companies will be allowed to use other forms of counting such as Roman Numerals or their fingers.  The legislation will also outlaw the study of algebra in all public schools.”

The announcement was surprising because Rep. Reichert is widely believed to be functionally illiterate.  Previous press releases consisted mostly of crayon drawings.  The subsequent press release was also puzzling because it was printed on Hello Kitty stationary.

When Washington State Republican Party Chairman Kirby Wilbur was asked for his opinion about the legislation he responded, “I mean, let’s be serious people, we are talking about Dave Reichert, are any of us really surprised that he would introduce this legislation?”

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