Candidate’s Spouse Will Choose to Be Gay for Science

In an unexpected statement on Wednesday a spokeswoman for Michele Bachmann’s presidential campaign announced that the candidate’s husband, Dr. Marcus Bachmann, will soon begin a project that will attempt to prove that homosexuality is a choice and not biologically predetermined.   Since the 1970’s most medical and mental health professionals have agreed that a person’s sexual orientation is determined prior birth and cannot be influenced by childhood experiences.  However Dr. Bachmann is among a minority of the mental health professionals who believe that homosexuality is a choice and a condition that can be changed.  Dr. Bachmann is a licensed clinical therapist and practitioner of ‘reparative therapy’ where gay men and lesbians attempt to change their sexual orientations. For the purposes of his study Dr. Bachmann will live in the “lifestyle of a homosexual” for the entire month of October.  Later in the day Dr. Bachmann revealed more of the details of his experiment.

 “I plan to take up residence in a city with a large homosexual population.  I will endeavor to meet homosexual men at establishments where they are likely to congregate such as bars, the YMCA and bathhouses. I have already scouted several locations.  I will then do whatever is necessary to convince these men that I am one of them.  If I, a very heterosexual man, father of 5 and a faithful husband for 33 years, can force myself to live in the lifestyle of a homosexual for one entire month it will prove without a doubt that homosexuality is a choice.  At the end of the month I will reveal to the men I have lived amongst that my perceived homosexuality is all a fantasy and a part of an experiment.  They will likely be astounded that I was so easily able to pass myself off as a homosexual, hopefully it will make them examine their own set of beliefs and the choice that they have made.  If through my sacrifice I can establish, once and for all, that a person can make a choice to be a homosexual then I believe that news will be beneficial to many homosexuals who desire to leave that lifestyle.”

Dr. Bachmann explained that his preparations for this experiment date back over 40 years.

 “Early on in my career I recognized that this was an overlooked and potential rewarding area for study, but I could never have imagined taking on a project this large.  As my small attempts to pass as a homosexual continued to be successful I began to visualize a larger study.  A project of this magnitude can only be successful I fully commit myself to all aspects of the homosexuality.  In preparation I have been researching homosexual men for many years.  I have interviewed many of these men and have learned many of the things I will need to do in order for this project to succeed.  I am committed to doing whatever is necessary to make this study a success.   On several occasions I have gone out in public in the persona of a homosexual man.  In fact there a few men in the Minneapolis area who may be surprised to learn that the hours I spent with them were actually part of my experiment.  As Michele and I receive more exposure because of her campaign it is perhaps inevitable that some of these men will come forward.  I hope that none of these men is distressed when they learn that they were unknowingly made a part of my research.  I am indebted to them for the role they played in my research and I offer my apologies if my revelation is upsetting to them.  I hope that they will understand that what I did was in the name of science.  If any of them would like to speak with me further about this I welcome them to come visit me at my clinic.”

Mrs. Bachmann’s campaign reported that she had been totally unaware of the impending study or of her husband’s previous preparation.  “Michele believes in her husband and if this research is important to him then it is important to her as well.  She will stand with him whatever decision he makes.”

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