Netanyahu Is Now The GOP Front-Runner For 2016

Netanyahu Is Now The GOP Front-Runner For 2016

With contenders lining up to become the next potential Republican nominee for President of the United States in the upcoming 2016 election, one man is standing out among the rest as the front-runner — Benjamin Netanyahu. John Boehner is already asking to be his potential running-mate. He honestly can’t get enough of the man, which is evident by his overreaching of power as Speaker of the House inviting Israel’s Netanyahu to speak to Congress in March. Boehner doesn’t care though […]

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New Evidence Suggests Tom Brady Ate His Wheaties Morning Of AFC Championship

New Evidence Suggests Tom Brady Ate His Wheaties Morning Of AFC Championship

With the news of New England Patriots’ footballs being insignificantly deflated in the AFC Championship against the Indianapolis Colts starting to dwindle in the media, a new startling allegation has been made known. ESPN is reporting Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady has been accused of performance enhancing. New evidence suggests the star QB ate his Wheaties the morning of the game. “This is outrageous!” said Seattle Seahawks Cornerback Richard Sherman. “Who’s to say he’s not going to eat Wheaties again before […]

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NFL Determines Soft Balls To Blame For Colts Inability To Get Past New England’s Defense

NFL Determines Soft Balls To Blame For Colts Inability To Get Past New England’s Defense

In a statement released by the NFL earlier today, it has been determined that the Colts couldn’t get past the New England Patriots’ defense due to the Colts’ soft balls. “After a thorough investigation looking into why the Indianapolis Colts lost so drastically to the New England Patriots, it has been determined that Andrew Luck and his offense had absolutely no luck at all scoring against the steadfast brick wall of the New England defense. The Colts were found have […]

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Romney’s Poverty Solution: Just Sweep Them Under The Rug

Romney’s Poverty Solution: Just Sweep Them Under The Rug

According to Mitt Romney who wouldn’t admit income inequality existed back in 2012, income inequality is one of the worst problems in the United States. Well, to keep in line with his previous views of the bottom 47% he deems moochers, he’s come up with a plan to get rid of income inequality once and for all — sweep them under the rug. In an exclusive interview with Free Wood Post Romney said: “You see, income inequality doesn’t have to […]

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Ted Cruz: We Don’t Need NASA Because God Only Created Earth

Ted Cruz: We Don’t Need NASA Because God Only Created Earth

To keep on par with Republicans wanting to ignore all things science-related, Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) will be named chair of the Subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness, where he will oversee NASA and science programs. He’s delighted with his new role and is prepared to bring the gospel into the way he runs things. In a statement to Free Wood Post, Cruz said: “This is really my chance to change things around here. Enough of this climate science junk. […]

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CNN Admits To Pranking America By Making Don Lemon Seem Like Legitimate News Anchor

CNN Admits To Pranking America By Making Don Lemon Seem Like Legitimate News Anchor

It’s all starting to make sense, really. For several years now CNN has been highlighting Don Lemon as one of their top news anchors. Little did we know it’s been a prank long in he making to prove how awful cable news media has become. Lemon, who has had flub after flub, has finally put his foot so far in his mouth, CNN had to come clean. On a recent broadcast, Lemon asked a Muslim-American Human Rights Lawyer if he […]

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Louie Gohmert: ‘With The Help Of Jesus, I’m Gonna Be Speaker Of America!’

Louie Gohmert: ‘With The Help Of Jesus, I’m Gonna Be Speaker Of America!’

On Sunday, Tea Party darling Louie Gohmert announced that he’ll be putting his hat in the ring to become Speaker of the House, ousting John Boehner. He feels America needs to really focus on the things that matter, like white people, hating non-white people, keeping our borders safe from “invading” non-white people, making the United States under Christian religious rule while being against all other religions, and making sure meatloaf Mondays are a staple in the Congressional cafeteria. During his […]

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TOP TEN Steve Scalise ‘I’m not racist, but…’ One-Liners

TOP TEN Steve Scalise ‘I’m not racist, but…’ One-Liners

It would seem that House Majority Whip Rep. Steve Scalise (R-LA) has gotten himself into a bit of hot water. A bit of hot, deep, racist water. After speaking in front of White Nationalists and neo-Nazis in 2002, Scalise traversed a political career being the guy at the party who was known to say, “I’m not racist, but…” and then any number of things. TOP TEN “I’m not racist, but…” one-liners Steve Scalise has said: 1.)“I’m not racist, but I […]

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Conservative Fears Realized When Obama Dons Royal Crown

Conservative Fears Realized When Obama Dons Royal Crown

Conservatives across the United States knew something was afoot from the get go. They simply had the feeling that President Obama wanted to turn the United States of America into a Monarchy. “He thinks he’s a king!” said Susie of Kansas. Karl from Georgia said, “He’s a tyrant who wants to rule over us like royalty!” No one believed them. Well, that is, until now. It would seem conservative fears have been realized as President Obama put on his “tyrannical […]

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North Korea Unable To Access Their AOL Dial-Up

North Korea Unable To Access Their AOL Dial-Up

After the hacking of Sony and the subsequent cancellation of the movie ‘The Interview’ it would seem a new set of hackers have disrupted North Korea’s internet. The communist nation, well-known for their subpar testing of nuclear missiles which have crashed miserably into the ocean, is now having severe difficulty accessing their AOL dial-up connection to the internet. They’ve been trying all day, waiting for the dial-up sound that is music to their ears, but alas, nothing. No “you’ve got […]

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Netanyahu Is Now The GOP Front-Runner For 2016

Netanyahu Is Now The GOP Front-Runner For 2016

With contenders lining up to become the next potential Republican nominee for President of the United States in the upcoming 2016 election, one man is standing out among the rest as the front-runner — Benjamin Netanyahu. John Boehner is already asking to be his potential running-mate. He honestly can’t get enough of the man, which is evident by his overreaching of power as Speaker of the House inviting Israel’s Netanyahu to speak to Congress in March. Boehner doesn’t care though […]

Continue Reading →

New Evidence Suggests Tom Brady Ate His Wheaties Morning Of AFC Championship

New Evidence Suggests Tom Brady Ate His Wheaties Morning Of AFC Championship

With the news of New England Patriots’ footballs being insignificantly deflated in the AFC Championship against the Indianapolis Colts starting to dwindle in the media, a new startling allegation has been made known. ESPN is reporting Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady has been accused of performance enhancing. New evidence suggests the star QB ate his Wheaties the morning of the game. “This is outrageous!” said Seattle Seahawks Cornerback Richard Sherman. “Who’s to say he’s not going to eat Wheaties again before […]

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Red Bull Sued As People Complain They Never Sprouted Wings

Red Bull Sued As People Complain They Never Sprouted Wings

It appears Red Bull has gotten themselves into a sticky situation, and not just their product spilling all over the floor of some bar somewhere. Several consumers of the energy drink are upset because they never sprouted wings post-consumption as the product suggests in all advertising. “I really wanted to fly like a bird,” said Tiffany Crumple of Florida. “I drank a good twelve gallons of the stuff, stood in front of the mirror and nothing. I waited for days […]

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Julia Roberts Quarantined For Infectious Laugh

Julia Roberts Quarantined For Infectious Laugh

MALIBU, CA — Several witnesses at a local market in Malibu, CA were taken off guard when a severely wonderful sound passed through their ears and they were overcome with the overwhelming urge to giggle. Jill of Calabasas said, “I turned around and I saw Julia Roberts standing behind me in line talking to someone on her phone and laughing. Before I knew it, I was laughing too, and so were three or four other patrons standing around me. It […]

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