Man Writes Blog, Posts in Comment Section, Quotes Himself, Then ‘Likes’ It

Man Writes Blog, Posts in Comment Section, Quotes Himself, Then ‘Likes’ It

Ned Turnington of Whistle, PA knows a thing or two about a lot of things. In his latest blog posting about why the U.S. economy crashed he listed several different hypotheses, where every hypothesis was sourced to a previous blog posting as evidence. Turnington is fairly certain one of the reasons the economy crashed was because the universe could sense the impending election of Barack Obama. He knew this, because one day, on his way home from work, he stopped […]

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Tea Party Mistakenly Protests Arizona Thespian Center: “Thespians are against God’s will”

Tea Party Mistakenly Protests Arizona Thespian Center: “Thespians are against God’s will”

An innocent celebration turned chaotic Thursday as Tea Party demonstrators descended on Tucson, Arizona to protest the newly built Arizona Thespian Center. Led by Minnesota Senator Michele Bachmann, the protesters interrupted the ribbon cutting ceremony for the 1200-seat performing arts center by screaming a series of homophobic expletives, throwing objects at participants and threatening to “burn that building of sin to the ground”. Or as they would call it, doing God’s work. The participants of the ribbon cutting ceremony seemed […]

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GOP Counters Equal Pay With ‘Barefoot and Pregnant’ Bill

GOP Counters Equal Pay With ‘Barefoot and Pregnant’ Bill

With Democrats trying to finally get the Paycheck Fairness Act passed through Congress to give women the opportunity to be paid the same amount as men for the same job, Republicans have a different plan. The GOP has come up with their own bill that they believe captures their values and the values of their voters. They are countering the Paycheck Fairness Act with the “Barefoot and Pregnant Act”. Sections of the bill state, “All women of child-bearing age must […]

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Mother Claims Fox News Killed Her Son

Mother Claims Fox News Killed Her Son

Claire Middleton is living through every mother’s worst nightmare. A child lost in the prime of life. While many mothers have faced this tragedy, Mrs. Middleton’s case is a little different. She claims Fox News killed her eighteen-year-old son, Brad. The Middleton family has since filed suit against the media empire. FWP managed to obtain copies of the Middleton’s sworn statement for the impending court case. According to the documents, Brad Middleton was a typical teenager. He excelled at school […]

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Grindr Adds Fuel to the Mozilla CEO Controversy

Grindr Adds Fuel to the Mozilla CEO Controversy

Mountain View, CA  (FWP)   April 2, 2014  – Brendan Eich has been CEO of Mozilla less than one week, however the contentious debate surrounding his anti-gay views continues to grow larger.   On Tuesday the website Grindr became the second social networking site to release a public statement regarding Eich’s opposition of same-sex marriages. The controversy began last week when Mozilla, best known for the open source web-browser Firefox, announced that Mr. Eich would be their new CEO. On […]

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GOP: ‘Tax dollars should be for war and subsidies for the rich, not healthcare!’

GOP: ‘Tax dollars should be for war and subsidies for the rich, not healthcare!’

WASHINGTON, DC — Many on the Republican side of the aisle are still up in arms about the passage and implementation of the Affordable Care Act. They are most upset about the use of taxpayer dollars to fund it. Especially through the use of a mandate. “How dare the president and other like-minded liberals expect people to be forced to buy health coverage,” said Speaker John Boehner. “Tax dollars should be for war and subsidies for the rich, not healthcare! […]

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Chief Justice Roberts: “We’re not here to represent the poor”

Chief Justice Roberts: “We’re not here to represent the poor”

The Supreme Court made a decision today which decided an individual’s ability to contribute to an election. Any person can now donate until their little heart desires in hopes of getting their desired results. What this means, however, is that those with the most money have more pull and more of a voice within an election. One person could, in essence, drown out the voices of millions with their millions of dollars. Chief Justice John Roberts said, “We are here […]

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An Open Letter From Tea Party Founders To Their Voters

An Open Letter From Tea Party Founders To Their Voters

Dear Voters, First of all, Freedom. Liberty, freedom, common sense liberty, freedom America. Tyranny!! Benghazi! MaoBama! Freedom! Fast and Furious King Obama oppression hypocrite. Liberty! Bald Eagle America freedom right to bear arms shall not be infringed. Liberty. Don’t tread on me! Obamacare tyranny. Taxes oppression. Health insurance for those who can afford it. Earn it! Freedom! Unlimited campaign donations are good. Liberty! We the people is overrated anyway. Tyranny! In conclusion, Liberty, Freedom, Benghazi, Fast and Furious, IRS bad, […]

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With Obamacare Enrollment Surging, GOP Takes Credit For Success

With Obamacare Enrollment Surging, GOP Takes Credit For Success

Monday was the last day to enroll in healthcare via the market exchanges made available through the Affordable Care Act. There was a remarkable last minute surge by millions of Americans who suddenly realized they might actually need health insurance if something were to happen to them or their family. For years, the Republican Party platform has stood firm in their steadfast mission to stop the Affordable Care Act and its implementation. They knew that if it were to be […]

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Paul Ryan: “Food Stamps are Unnecessary, Trickle-Down Nutrition Works”

Paul Ryan: “Food Stamps are Unnecessary, Trickle-Down Nutrition Works”

Speaking before yesterday’s weekly GOP luncheon at Le Petit Diable, Congressman Paul Ryan spoke about the rampant fraud within SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) and his desire to eliminate the program permanently: “Last week we cut $8.7 billion from the food stamp program falling well short of the $40 billion cut we requested. As a nation, we need to stop feeding the immorality and stomachs of the these inner-city leeches that use and abuse this program . Good, honest, hard-working […]

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Tea Party Mistakenly Protests Arizona Thespian Center: “Thespians are against God’s will”

Tea Party Mistakenly Protests Arizona Thespian Center: “Thespians are against God’s will”

An innocent celebration turned chaotic Thursday as Tea Party demonstrators descended on Tucson, Arizona to protest the newly built Arizona Thespian Center. Led by Minnesota Senator Michele Bachmann, the protesters interrupted the ribbon cutting ceremony for the 1200-seat performing arts center by screaming a series of homophobic expletives, throwing objects at participants and threatening to “burn that building of sin to the ground”. Or as they would call it, doing God’s work. The participants of the ribbon cutting ceremony seemed […]

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CONFIRMED: Universal Health Coverage Helps Win Gold Medals

CONFIRMED: Universal Health Coverage Helps Win Gold Medals

SOCHI, RUSSIA — Up until the last 4 minutes of the women’s hockey final it looked as though the United States had the gold medal wrapped up and ready to be taken back home. However, due to what can only be assumed as the medical condition choking, the U.S. started to lose their grip of Olympic triumph. Their opponent, Canada, due to the universal health coverage in their nation, was able to avoid the medical condition of choking. In fact, […]

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File under Bizarre: Always Maxi Pads Now in Pumpkin Spice Scent

File under Bizarre: Always Maxi Pads Now in Pumpkin Spice Scent

Just in time for Fall, Always brand feminine pads, you know the one with wings, is coming out with a new scented line of products.

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Unretouched Photos of Scarlett Johansson Reveal Hideous Truth About Her Body

Unretouched Photos of Scarlett Johansson Reveal Hideous Truth About Her Body

Unretouched photos of Scarlett Johansson have surfaced which reveal, as many had long suspected, a disgusting body requiring extensive photographic enhancement in order to be found palatable by the public at large. Investigative reporter Jennifer Rollins on the scandalous pics: “These are very tough to look at. They categorically prove that the images of Ms. Johansson’s that have been released and heretofore seen in the media are not real and simply the work of Photoshop wizards employed by her Hollywood […]

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