Rachel Dolezal Claims To Be Founding Member of Black Panthers

Rachel Dolezal Claims To Be Founding Member of Black Panthers

   Rachel Dolezal, the former NAACP Spokane chapter president accused of pretending to be black has gone a step further. She now claims to have been a founding member of the Black Panther Party. The Black Panthers were founded in 1966 in Oakland, CA. The core practice was its armed citizens’ patrols to monitor the behavior of police officers and challenge police brutality in Oakland, CA. In 1969, community social programs became a core activity of party members. The Black […]

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California Governor Bans Certain Shower Practices to End Drought

California Governor Bans Certain Shower Practices to End Drought

It’s time to start taking this drought seriously. Governor Brown has a plan.

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Fox News Declared Hate Group By Southern Poverty Law Center

Fox News Declared Hate Group By Southern Poverty Law Center

  In what should come as a surprise to no one, considering their coverage of unarmed black people being brutalized by the police, the Southern Poverty Law Center has added Fox News to their list of hate groups, as they meet the criteria. Time and time again, Fox News has shown their true colors with their own colorful language surrounding people of color and the LGBT community. From calling any black person who stands up in protest against the police “thugs” […]

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China To Dome Entire Cities and Create Fake Pollution Free Skies

China To Dome Entire Cities and Create Fake Pollution Free Skies

China has a bold new plan to deal with extreme pollution. As the world’s largest source of carbon emissions, China is responsible for a third of the planet’s greenhouse gas output and has sixteen of the world’s twenty most polluted cities. The air quality is so bad it has blocked out the sun and the government has resorted to putting up digital billboards to replicate sunrises and sunsets. However, the billboards don’t address the actual pollution problem. The average Chinese […]

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GOP To Announce Who’s Not Running For President In Effort To Make Things Easier

GOP To Announce Who’s Not Running For President In Effort To Make Things Easier

With Republican after Republican lining up for their chance at the Oval Office in 2016, the Republican National Committee (RNC) has just announced that they will be releasing a list of names that will include everyone who will not be running for the Republican nomination. The list, about 14 names long, includes John Boehner and Mitch McConnell — they know too many people hate them, so really — why bother? This year, more than any other seems like many are […]

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Nostradamus Predicts Mega Quake for May 28

Nostradamus Predicts Mega Quake for May 28

   Nostradamus, the famed 15th Century seer who published a collection of prophecies has predicted a Mega Quake for May 28. The quatrain reads as follows: “The trembling so hard in the month of May, Saturn, Capricorn, Jupiter, Mercury in Taurus: Venus also, Cancer, mars, in Virgo, Hail will fall larger than an egg.” There is in fact a planetary alignment on that date and the USGS has warned recently that the risk for the “Big One” striking California has […]

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Aliens Refuse to Create Crop Circles in Monsanto Fields

Aliens Refuse to Create Crop Circles in Monsanto Fields

   In a stunning turn of events, not only has alien life revealed itself to humanity, but they’ve let it be known that they will no longer attempt to communicate with the United States. Their most popular form of communication, has for decades, been the formation of crop circles in agricultural fields. However, since the U.S. continues to use Monsanto genetically engineered crops, the aliens will no longer attempt to communicate with us. Genetically engineered crops, or GMOs, pose a […]

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Scott Walker Signs Law Declaring Himself a ‘Genius’

Scott Walker Signs Law Declaring Himself a ‘Genius’

   Wisconsin Governor and presidential hopeful Scott Walker has finally answered critics who have suggested that he does not have the proper education to govern.  This morning, Walker signed into law a measure that would define anyone with an I.Q. of 90 or higher as a “genius”. During today’s press conference Walker stated:  “I’ve always known I was exceptional but today everyone knows that I am a genius. I is proof that we don’t need no education department. I may […]

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Jesus Christ To Boycott Indiana Over New Anti-Gay Law

Jesus Christ To Boycott Indiana Over New Anti-Gay Law

After the anti-gay “religious freedom” law was signed by Indiana Gov. Mike Pence (R) many celebrities, organizations, businesses and even cities have spoken out against the law and are boycotting Indiana. Many are fed up with the legalized discrimination, but none more so than the biggest celebrity of all — the Son of God. Jesus recently spoke with Free Wood Post regarding the new Indiana law. “They say they are in favor of religious freedom, but I’m not sure which religion […]

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Indiana Requiring All Gay Residents To Wear Sensor That Will Trigger Alarm Upon Entering A Store

Indiana Requiring All Gay Residents To Wear Sensor That Will Trigger Alarm Upon Entering A Store

As an amendment to Indiana’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act, all LGBT citizens will be required to register with the state so that they can be mailed a sensor to wear on their body at all times. The sensor is so that any business that doesn’t want an LGBT individual entering their establishment will be notified immediately of their arrival and an alarm will sound. These sensors will be much like a modern day version of the ‘Star of David’ Jewish […]

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Scott Walker Signs Law Declaring Himself a ‘Genius’

Scott Walker Signs Law Declaring Himself a ‘Genius’

   Wisconsin Governor and presidential hopeful Scott Walker has finally answered critics who have suggested that he does not have the proper education to govern.  This morning, Walker signed into law a measure that would define anyone with an I.Q. of 90 or higher as a “genius”. During today’s press conference Walker stated:  “I’ve always known I was exceptional but today everyone knows that I am a genius. I is proof that we don’t need no education department. I may […]

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New Evidence Suggests Tom Brady Ate His Wheaties Morning Of AFC Championship

New Evidence Suggests Tom Brady Ate His Wheaties Morning Of AFC Championship

With the news of New England Patriots’ footballs being insignificantly deflated in the AFC Championship against the Indianapolis Colts starting to dwindle in the media, a new startling allegation has been made known. ESPN is reporting Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady has been accused of performance enhancing. New evidence suggests the star QB ate his Wheaties the morning of the game. “This is outrageous!” said Seattle Seahawks Cornerback Richard Sherman. “Who’s to say he’s not going to eat Wheaties again before […]

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Susan B. Anthony on New $20 bill, Valued at only $15.40?

Susan B. Anthony on New $20 bill, Valued at only $15.40?

Earlier today, President Obama announced that he will sign an executive order removing President Andrew Jackson from the $20 bill and replace him with women’s rights advocate Susan B. Anthony. The idea was inspired by the organization Women On 20’s who is currently conducting voting on which heroic American woman should be the new face of the $20 bill. However, according to South Carolina Republican Senator Lindsey Graham the new $20 bill is likely to cause mass confusion. “We have […]

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Kanye West Gets Head Stuck in Rectum, Hospitalized

Kanye West Gets Head Stuck in Rectum, Hospitalized

  According to early reports, popular rapper Kanye West has been admitted to a Los Angeles hospital due to a serious rectal blockage. Allegedly, West got his own head lodged in his rectum, causing severe spinal and intestinal injuries and further brain damage. Dr. Dean Rueter, Kanye’s surgeon, was able to comment on the matter. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” he said, chuckling. “Sorry,” he added. “This is a very, uh, unusual injury, so my staff and I are […]

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