Sarah Palin Knocks Self Unconscious Taking Ice Bucket Challenge

Sarah Palin Knocks Self Unconscious Taking Ice Bucket Challenge

Earlier today, Sarah Palin knocked herself unconscious while participating in the Ice Bucket Challenge. Created by the ALS Association, the Ice Bucket Challenge has participants film themselves pouring a bucket of water and ice over their heads. According to aides, Palin was unaware that the ice bucket was supposed to contain water and instead froze the entire bucket before dumping the large block of ice directly onto her own head. Unconscious, she was rushed to the hospital where doctors confirmed […]

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Gallup Poll: 71% of Tea Party Members Believe Ebola is President Obama’s Birthplace

Gallup Poll: 71% of Tea Party Members Believe Ebola is President Obama’s Birthplace

Tea Party members have often found themselves as punch lines. Not because so many people would like to line them up and punch them, but because there is the perception that they are not that intelligent. Providing further proof of their less than optimal I.Q., Gallup has released a new poll in which they surveyed 2,400 registered Tea Party voters. The end result was that 71% of active Tea Party members believe that Ebola is the country where President Barack […]

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New Poll Shows Ebola More Popular Than Congress

New Poll Shows Ebola More Popular Than Congress

With each and everyday that Congress doesn’t pass any meaningful legislation, the American people grow even more frustrated with them. For example, only fifteen percent of Americans approve of the way Congress is handling its job, according to Gallup. And more than one in five say replacing all members is best way to fix it. Nonetheless, even as  Ebola–the deadly West African disease–is making  a comeback and poising a public heath threat to Americans traveling to and from the West […]

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Bachmann claims, “Dirty Immigrants Gave Her Ebola”

Bachmann claims, “Dirty Immigrants Gave Her Ebola”

Minnesota Republican Representative Michele Bachmann announced in a press statement Friday that she has Ebola. According to the statement Bachmann felt unwell earlier in the week and consulted her physician, Dr. Stewart Riley, who gave her the Ebola diagnosis. Ebola has been the hot topic in the news lately as there is an epidemic in Western Africa. Ebola is 90% fatal and has no known treatment. Symptoms include: internal and external bleeding, high fever and vomiting. There was some concern […]

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The Walking Red: The Truth about Florida’s “Zombie” Cover-up

The Walking Red: The Truth about Florida’s “Zombie” Cover-up

  Over the past two years, Florida has been the scene of a series of violent and unusual attacks. These incidents have led to nationwide speculation as to the presence of zombies in the Sunshine State. After an exhaustive investigation into the story, it is now clear that Florida Governor Rick Scott and former Governor Jeb Bush are engaging in a disturbing and potentially deadly cover-up. The “zombie” attacks were not perpetrated by creatures from a horror movie or even […]

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Jeter Sharing Groupie Legacy With Younger Players

Jeter Sharing Groupie Legacy With Younger Players

Retiring New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter is taking time out of his retirement tour to help up-and-coming players effectively deal with groupies that are attracted to professional athletes. Speaking to players for the Brockton Rox, a summer league team comprised of collegiate players, Jeter advised players on helpful hints such as having a trusted aide to drive the groupies home the next morning, providing them with autographed baseballs, and making sure groupies don’t bring smartphones into the bedroom. “He […]

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Sarah Palin Announces Presidential Run and Ban on Beavers

Sarah Palin Announces Presidential Run and Ban on Beavers

Former Republican Governor Sarah Palin has outdone herself, yet again. In an interview regarding her new Sarah Palin channel, the former Vice Presidential candidate was asked about her family and she let slip her plans to run for president as well as her bizarre hatred of beavers. “Everyone is doing just great. Of course, I’ve been on the road trying to save America and promote my new channel so I haven’t seen to much of Todd. He prefers to stay […]

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Downed Facebook Frightened Millennials Into Thinking They May Need To Learn Social Skills

Downed Facebook Frightened Millennials Into Thinking They May Need To Learn Social Skills

WORLD WIDE WEB — For a brief moment today, the world was without Facebook. It was terrifying for most, but for Millennials, it was a giant wake-up call. For the generation who group up talking to each other through the internet, they were faced with the broad realization that they may actually have to face their peers face to face. Even the remote concept of this was enough for many to crawl under their beds and hide until their security […]

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Speaker Boehner: ‘President Obama needs to more or less do more and less’

Speaker Boehner: ‘President Obama needs to more or less do more and less’

WASHINGTON D.C. — Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) held a press conference this morning addressing the growing crisis’ around the nation. From border protections, to jobs, to Meatloaf Mondays in the Congressional cafeteria. “He’s incompetent! He does everything on his own without Congressional approval,” said Speaker Boehner waving his fist to a crowd of eight at the local Washington DC Denny’s. “Then I asked him to do something without Congressional approval, and he won’t do it. What’s wrong with him?! My […]

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Trump To Build New Luxury Apartments: Back Alley Entrance For The Poor

Trump To Build New Luxury Apartments: Back Alley Entrance For The Poor

Donald Trump has announced he will build five new luxury apartment buildings in the heart of Manhattan with separate entrances and elevators for the poor tenants. Earlier this week the New York Department of Housing Preservation and Development approved the Extell Development Company’s bid to build a high-rise apartment building featuring fifty-five low-income units among the complex’s 219 luxury units. Extell caused controversy when they building plans showed a separate entrance for the low-income renters. Now that Extell’s bid has […]

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Sarah Palin Knocks Self Unconscious Taking Ice Bucket Challenge

Sarah Palin Knocks Self Unconscious Taking Ice Bucket Challenge

Earlier today, Sarah Palin knocked herself unconscious while participating in the Ice Bucket Challenge. Created by the ALS Association, the Ice Bucket Challenge has participants film themselves pouring a bucket of water and ice over their heads. According to aides, Palin was unaware that the ice bucket was supposed to contain water and instead froze the entire bucket before dumping the large block of ice directly onto her own head. Unconscious, she was rushed to the hospital where doctors confirmed […]

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Jeter Sharing Groupie Legacy With Younger Players

Jeter Sharing Groupie Legacy With Younger Players

Retiring New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter is taking time out of his retirement tour to help up-and-coming players effectively deal with groupies that are attracted to professional athletes. Speaking to players for the Brockton Rox, a summer league team comprised of collegiate players, Jeter advised players on helpful hints such as having a trusted aide to drive the groupies home the next morning, providing them with autographed baseballs, and making sure groupies don’t bring smartphones into the bedroom. “He […]

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File under Bizarre: Always Maxi Pads Now in Pumpkin Spice Scent

File under Bizarre: Always Maxi Pads Now in Pumpkin Spice Scent

Just in time for Fall, Always brand feminine pads, you know the one with wings, is coming out with a new scented line of products.

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Sarah Palin Knocks Self Unconscious Taking Ice Bucket Challenge

Sarah Palin Knocks Self Unconscious Taking Ice Bucket Challenge

Earlier today, Sarah Palin knocked herself unconscious while participating in the Ice Bucket Challenge. Created by the ALS Association, the Ice Bucket Challenge has participants film themselves pouring a bucket of water and ice over their heads. According to aides, Palin was unaware that the ice bucket was supposed to contain water and instead froze the entire bucket before dumping the large block of ice directly onto her own head. Unconscious, she was rushed to the hospital where doctors confirmed […]

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