Ted Nugent Admits His Guns Make Up For Having Remarkably Small Dick

Ted Nugent Admits His Guns Make Up For Having Remarkably Small Dick

“It is what it is…”

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President Obama Declares Donald Trump’s Hair National Wildlife Refuge

President Obama Declares Donald Trump’s Hair National Wildlife Refuge

This was probably a long time coming…

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After Visit To Mosque, Obama Inspired To Put ‘In Allah We Trust’ On Currency

After Visit To Mosque, Obama Inspired To Put ‘In Allah We Trust’ On Currency

This probably isn’t going to go over well with Republicans.

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Trump Throws FULL Tantrum After Iowa Loss, Tears Off And Tosses Hair Piece (IMAGE)

Trump Throws FULL Tantrum After Iowa Loss, Tears Off And Tosses Hair Piece (IMAGE)

“I thought you were my good luck hair! You’re a loser!”

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President Santorum Reminisces About When He Won Iowa In 2012

President Santorum Reminisces About When He Won Iowa In 2012

“It’s a game changer for sure.”

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Groundhog Sees Republican Candidate List, Predicts Six More Months of Assholes

Groundhog Sees Republican Candidate List, Predicts Six More Months of Assholes

A crowd gathered at Gobbler’s Knob early this morning, awaiting the emergence of the famed groundhog named Punxsutawney Phil.

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Most Of America Pretty Sure Ted Cruz Is A Slimeball (POLL)

Most Of America Pretty Sure Ted Cruz Is A Slimeball (POLL)

“After five minutes of hearing him speak you suddenly feel the need to shower.”

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Man Who Threw Tomato At Trump To Be Given Medal By President Obama

Man Who Threw Tomato At Trump To Be Given Medal By President Obama

“He is a champion for all of America.”

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George W. Bush Writes Thank You Note To GOP Candidates For Making Him Look Smart

George W. Bush Writes Thank You Note To GOP Candidates For Making Him Look Smart

He bought new Crayolas just for the occasion.

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Ben Carson To Wake Up Just In Time For Tonight’s Debate

Ben Carson To Wake Up Just In Time For Tonight’s Debate

Coffee also on standby to make sure he stays awake throughout the broadcast.

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Groundhog Sees Republican Candidate List, Predicts Six More Months of Assholes

Groundhog Sees Republican Candidate List, Predicts Six More Months of Assholes

A crowd gathered at Gobbler’s Knob early this morning, awaiting the emergence of the famed groundhog named Punxsutawney Phil.

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New Evidence Suggests Tom Brady Ate His Wheaties Morning Of AFC Championship

New Evidence Suggests Tom Brady Ate His Wheaties Morning Of AFC Championship

With the news of New England Patriots’ footballs being insignificantly deflated in the AFC Championship against the Indianapolis Colts starting to dwindle in the media, a new startling allegation has been made known. ESPN is reporting Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady has been accused of performance enhancing. New evidence suggests the star QB ate his Wheaties the morning of the game. “This is outrageous!” said Seattle Seahawks Cornerback Richard Sherman. “Who’s to say he’s not going to eat Wheaties again before […]

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Susan B. Anthony on New $20 bill, Valued at only $15.40?

Susan B. Anthony on New $20 bill, Valued at only $15.40?

Earlier today, President Obama announced that he will sign an executive order removing President Andrew Jackson from the $20 bill and replace him with women’s rights advocate Susan B. Anthony. The idea was inspired by the organization Women On 20’s who is currently conducting voting on which heroic American woman should be the new face of the $20 bill. However, according to South Carolina Republican Senator Lindsey Graham the new $20 bill is likely to cause mass confusion. “We have […]

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Kanye West Gets Head Stuck in Rectum, Hospitalized

Kanye West Gets Head Stuck in Rectum, Hospitalized

  According to early reports, popular rapper Kanye West has been admitted to a Los Angeles hospital due to a serious rectal blockage. Allegedly, West got his own head lodged in his rectum, causing severe spinal and intestinal injuries and further brain damage. Dr. Dean Rueter, Kanye’s surgeon, was able to comment on the matter. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” he said, chuckling. “Sorry,” he added. “This is a very, uh, unusual injury, so my staff and I are […]

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